through cognition
I hope everyone will first realize at the cognitive level that emotional control is a muscular ability that can be practiced. Knowing this is important, important, important! It's not my nonsense, it's backed up by science.

Controlling your emotions through cognition is one of the most important ways to stabilize your emotions.

Maybe everyone has heard a case where a person was scolded badly, and someone asked him, why didn't you scold him back? The man replied, if you were bitten by a dog, would you go and bite it back?

This is a typical example of regulating one's emotions through cognition.

To give my own example:

I used to quarrel with my lover and family because of some small things that I lost control of. And these little things, I'm trying to find a way to actively deal with them. The first way I thought of myself was, in my heart, I treated those who quarreled over trivial matters as children. Because I found that in many cases, they want to control me, and I don't want people around me to control me, conflicts and quarrels arise.

At first, I would reason directly with them, but after a while, I found that it didn't work, and I realized that reasoning can't avoid quarrels. Because it is not impossible to communicate with them about self-adjustment and other topics, it is better to give up this attempt, but communicate from the perspective of feelings.

But it's hard for you to communicate feelings with people you don't agree with! What to do, my way is to give myself unconditional love.

I treat them as children because their minds and ideas are immature. I imagine that there is an emotionally unstable child in my family (by nature), I love her very much, and she sometimes loses her temper (note: it must be distinguished here, there is a big difference between a little temper and domestic violence) , she needs someone who can tolerate her. I ask you now, would you hurt your loved ones who have some flaws in their character? Won't. Because you love her or him, even unconditionally!

Then why can't your lover be tolerant without you? Would you argue with an immature child for any reason? Won't. If you love your child, the most you can think about is, "This stupid child still needs to be honed."

(Don't think that adults are mature in their thinking, and there are a large number of adults who are particularly immature. 囧. Everyone should be able to know here, age does not mean maturity, maturity requires training.)

How to deal with an immature child? Be patient and pay careful attention to their ideas!

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I have my own beliefs, I believe in the Pure Land Buddhism. A lot of times, I take the accusations, incomprehension, tantrums at me, etc. that I have received from my lover, parents, and friends as debt repayment thoughts (that is, I owe them debts in my past life, in my mind, I think that all My unsatisfactory karma is all my own past karma. Every time I endure and resolve some of my karma, my karma decreases. You may say it is the spirit of Ah Q, but this is not because these thoughts are all my own choices. Not that I don't have other options.)

So, slowly, I developed the habit of not entangling with people around me and not explaining myself. Slowly, the quarrels lessened, and the real understanding and communication gradually came into being.

Through cognition, a person can become more inclusive. The so-called tolerance is not knowing the other party's bad, still loving Ta, accepting Ta. A person becomes inclusive, largely through cognition.

Cognition can make a person stronger psychologically, and stronger people will become tolerant, and tolerant people can make a person's emotions better and more stable.

In addition, the well-known ways to control emotions—self-suggestion, diversion, etc., are all ways to stabilize emotions through cognition.

At work, when encountering things that may cause emotional fluctuations, you really need to recognize that conflicts or problems cannot be solved through emotions. How emotional instability can help us solve problems, that is, I don't need to write a dedicated article.

I have a deep understanding of my colleagues, and they must be talking about things without really being emotional. If the other party is also a person who wants to solve the problem, then you must be able to solve this contradiction through communication without emotion; if the other party is a person who is unwilling to solve the problem, then the problem cannot be solved with emotions, and the best way is still emotional stability. The process of presenting the facts to their own leaders. Believe me, at work, emotional stability can make colleagues have expectations for you, and the other party will think that you are a very reliable person and are willing to cooperate with you to solve problems. (Trust me, it really works!)

Why should we be emotionally unstable to strangers? As in the case mentioned above, if you were bitten by a dog, do you really want to bite it back?